There is a line in T S Eliot’s ‘Murder in the Cathedral’ that goes, ‘Man’s life is a cheat and a disappointment’ – it is not a view I necessarily share, but it is a good place to start when considering the pursuit of happiness. I would suggest that, in that pursuit, it is expectations that are the problem, not life itself.
Expectations, promising a better future or a more fulfilling present, frequently sow the seeds of disappointment rather than happiness. They create a rigid framework for reality to conform to, and the more inflexible they are, the wider the potential gap between anticipation and reality. These expectations are often shaped by external influences, such as what we see in people we know, who seem to be leading the lives we would like for ourselves, or the idyllic world often exhibited on people’s social media. The result can be an unending quest for an idealised and frequently unattainable perfection that eclipses the simple joys and successes inherent in everyday life.
Adopting a mindset of acceptance and adaptability offers an alternative, opening the door to contentment. Another line from Eliot’s play goes, ‘However certain our expectations, the moment foreseen may be unexpected when it arrives’.
My conclusion is that by letting go of rigid expectations, we free ourselves from the constant threat of disappointment. Releasing that grip does not mean abandoning hope or not having goals; rather, it invites us to cultivate a mindset where life can simply unfold, unburdened by the weight of potential illusions, which will often lead to disappointment. Such an approach can enable us to appreciate life as a journey, full of unpredictability and imperfections, allowing for genuine moments of happiness.
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